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Dating your vibrator on Valentine’s Day?

#sextips from Ooh by Je Joue

Strong advice from @girlonthenet about why your perfect date might be closer than you think….maybe even in your sock drawer!

 

valentines day date blog

On Valentine’s Day, we tend to focus very heavily on partnered love – how to impress, romance, or just plain seduce someone. But there are other kinds of love which are not only neglected throughout the year, they’re actively discouraged around Valentine’s Day. A cynic might say it’s because they’re less commercial, less easily marketable, than the love which can be celebrated with a pricey bunch of roses or a last-minute trip to Paris.

But they’re no less important. In fact, as Hallmark card shops ramp up the pressure on couples to prove their love, those who don’t want to engage can often be a bit left out. So we want to redress the balance a bit: today we’re going to talk about self-love.

Self-love gets an extraordinarily bad reputation, as if it’s somehow crass or narcissistic to give yourself pleasure that isn’t shared with anyone else. But it’s incredibly important for both your mental and physical health. Taking some time away from other people, treating yourself to something you need, or just giving yourself space to sigh and relax and remember what makes you happy.

So: this Valentine’s Day, why not arrange a date with yourself and your vibrator? Here are three awesome reasons why you should:

  1. No pressure, low stress

No matter how comfortable you are with a partner, there is always some element of sex that’s a bit like a performance. Whether it’s twisting yourself into a position you both enjoy, deciding whether to have the lights on, or making appreciative noises for the sake of encouragement, when you’re shagging someone you’re never focused solely on you. That’s a good thing, by the way – only the most selfish lovers would have sex without considering the other person.

But it’s also good to switch off from that sometimes. Spending time on your own, getting back in touch with exactly the sensations you love – it’s good for the soul. And… well… all the other bits too. When you’re alone with your favourite vibrator, focusing purely on your own pleasure, there’s no one you need to perform for. Every movement, touch, sound and orgasm is purely for you.

What’s more, afterwards you can just roll over and sleep, pop Netflix on, or sit in the bath eating a tub of ice cream and drinking wine. While it can be lovely to have a partner (or partners) around you on Valentine’s Day, there are some pretty nifty benefits to being on your own.

  1. Orgasms are really, really good for you

It’s common knowledge that masturbation is good for your physical and mental health. Masturbation releases dopamine and oxytocin – the happiness endorphins – and it can also help you relax and sleep. But did you know that research at Indiana University back in 2009 specifically linked vibrator use to better sexual function? In the summary, the researchers said:

“Vibrator use was positively related to several aspects of sexual function (desire, arousal, lubrication, orgasm, pain and overall function) with recent vibrator users scoring themselves higher on most sexual function domains, suggesting more positive sexual function.”

That seems like as good a reason as any to make a date with your vibrator.

  1. Learn and love your body

There are so many different types of vibrator on the market. Powerful external vibes for clitoral stimulation, g-spot vibes for internal pleasure, rabbit vibes that combine the two to give you incredible orgasms… the list goes on. Spending time on your own, using whichever vibrators you like best, gives you the opportunity to really explore what it is you love about your body. What kind of pleasure works best for you? How strong do you like your vibrations? Which areas are most sensitive to touch? There’s a whole world of sensation to explore.

It’s tempting to finish up this article by explaining that dating your vibrator is great because you can apply what you’re learning about your body the next time you have sex – direct your partner to exactly the kind of pleasure you enjoy, that kind of thing. But we’re not going to do that. It’s true, of course, that spending time alone, free from pressure and stress, can help you get attuned to what works best for your body, but if we bring the conclusion round to that then there’s a danger your fun night in will feel more like homework.

Date your vibrator on Valentine’s Day: not for practise or performance – for you.

For more #sextips, chat to us on Twitter or check out our Facebook page

Happy Valentine’s – from @girlonthenet and @oohjejoue

Girl on the Net is a sex writer and journalist. She runs an anonymous sex blog which discusses kink, sex, feminism, and everything in between. Girl on the Net has written for a variety of publications including the Guardian, FHM, Glamour, and Coach magazine and her new book – A Bad Girl Who Fell In Love – is out on 10th March 2016.